Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 8
by Master Porky Minch
Summary: Now, for another Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule story from a not so absolutely safe mind. What will happen this time? Will the capsule piss Porky off only a little? Will it make him totally livid beyond all compare? What's going to happen?


Not so Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 8

Author's Note: Hey everybody. Master Porky Minch here. Sorry I haven't posted anything for a long time, I was sort of getting into new stuff, and I also kind of thrown myself into a situation where I'm working on too many projects at a time, so I needed a break to get my head straight. To make up for it, I present you _Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 8!_

Disclaimer: You know damn well.

Begin!

"I will never die… I will never die… nor will I ever be beaten!... But it appears my machine has run out of energy… hahaha… Lucas… you haven't won, just so you know." The Pig King, Master Porky Minch said as he pressed a big red button. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a big, sphere-shaped device came down, and set its ground near King P.'s Spider-Mech. "I will just duck into my Absolutely Safe Capsule for the time being. While I'm in there, no sort of attack whatsoever will harm me. You're probably thinking to yourself, 'Yeah, right. There's no such thing as absolutely safe', but there is, and this is it! The capsule I tricked Dr. Andonuts and the Mr. Saturns into making for me! Me!... ME!... ALL ME! *cough, cough*" With those words. Porky got out of the Spider-Mech, stepped foot into the Absolutely Safe Capsule, and sealed himself inside.

Boney bit the capsule as hard as he could, but he only managed to chip a couple of his fangs. Duster threw a Super Bomb, which exploded on contact, but the Capsule remained unharmed. Kumatora tried a PK Ground attack, and though the entire cave shook with the great force, the capsule didn't even twitch. Lucas used a PK Flash, but the capsule was seemingly unaffected. Inside the capsule, Porky laughed off every one of their futile attempts to break open the capsule. He decided just to kick back and watch as the Chosen 4 drain off every last bit of their power to move an immovable object.

The Chosen 4 were not yet ready to give up. Boney threw one of his own Bombs, but their was yet to be a dent in the impenetrable capsule, Duster even attempted to throw a New Year's Eve Bomb, which exploded in a brilliant flash of white and orange when it landed on the capsule. This was the same weapon he used to kill the King Porky Statue, but to their great shock, the capsule was still unharmed. At this time, they had enough, and Kumatora and Lucas tried a double PK attack; while Lucas used PK Love Omega, the most powerful PK Attack, Kumatora launched hundreds of small star-shaped gem-like energy waves, both exploding in a rainbow of colors. Nobody had survived 2 attacks like that simultaneously, but the Absolutely Safe Capsule was the first.

The Chosen 4 were so pathetic at that time, he couldn't help but taunt them as he stuck his tongue out and gave them a childish look. "I can't believe it." the Pig King gloated with glee. "This is just like when those 4 brats attempted to fight Giygas, only this time, there's absolutely no way of victory for the good guys." He couldn't help but shudder at the thought of seeing that huge, red, skull-like creature again.

Kumatora and Lucas gave that capsule everything they had, and they were panting due to the massive quantity of energy that was used. Was this it? Could there truly be no way to stop Porky so long as he has this hunk of metal?

"Oh my, what do we have here?" Dr. Andonuts said, taking the 4 by surprise for a second there. "You know, as evil as he was, I can't help but feel bad for Porky now." He walked over to the capsule, and explained a secret mechanic Porky was completely ignorant about. "It is true that the capsule was designed so no attack could penetrate it. It truly IS an Absolutely Safe Capsule, but once you enter it, you can never come out. The capsule was intended to protect whoever is inside from everything outside, but moreover, designed to protect everything outside from whoever's inside… I did tell him in a hushed voice not to use it yet… he can't even hear us, for otherwise, the capsule would be vulnerable to sonic-attacks. All he can do is live alone, forever, in absolute safety… who knows, in a way, maybe he got what he wanted. What do you think? Is it wrong of me to think this way?" Lucas shook his head no, for all of the shit Porky put him through, he got what he had coming. "You think so? I wonder… I can't help but feel it is…"

The 4 of them stood there and waited… and waited… and waited…

"…What happened?" Duster asked as he began looking around. "Usually, in this guys Fanfictions, something always goes wrong… no… no explosions? No troll theme to annoy the Hell out of him? No kids to beat him up for threatening the Easter Bunny?"

"No Duster, it's an Absolutely SAFE Capsule. I would never have anything like that." Dr. Andonuts said.

"B-b-but, if there's nothing like that, how is it a Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule?" Lucas questioned.

"Oh, that's where the twist comes in… it IS a So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule!... Eh?... Eh?..."

"Dude, that is the worst plot twist ever." Kumatora said. "It completely puts the Not in Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule!"

Boney began to speak. "*Yeah… wait, if this is a story of a not so good Absolutely Safe Capsule, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with this one, then that means-*" he suddenly opened his eyes, and whimpered silently, "*…the paradox…*"

Lucas didn't understand the last thing he said. "I'm sorry Boney, what is i-"

Boney stood on 2 legs, grab Lucas by the shirt, and, for the first time, spoke in complete English. "The paradox, you mother fu-"

Just then, due to a huge paradox in one story, the entire EarthBound universe was destroyed, and so ended all EarthBound Fanfiction.

XXX

P.M: …No… *grabs computer, starts shaking it* No! NO! Le son of a bitch! Aw, damn it!

Lidia: What, what is it Porky? Are you ok?

P.M: The EarthBound franchise is gone forever!

Lidio: …Hahaha… nice joke, Porks. Hahaha… oh God, he's serious isn't he?

P.M: I spent so much time criticizing the fuck out of Dr. Andonuts, and I thought he could take it like a man, but he seems to be nothing but a pussy, and now, thanks to him causing a paradox by making the Absolutely Safe Capsule perfect in a _Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule _story, he basically killed everyone there! ForeverBound by .Vroom, Fate of a Bad Boy by twilightprincess, all of those are gone!

Octavia: And what's worse is that since it was your Fanfiction, the cops are going to blame you, and they're going to jail you.

Fanfiction Police: *breaks in house* This is the Fanfiction Police! We are armed with negative reviews and flamers!

P.M: You'll never take me alive coppers! *tries to run, 5 cops beat the crap out of me and handcuff me*

Fanfiction Police: Master Porky Minch, for crimes committed on this site that are including but not limited to: Advertisement of another site, abuse to an OC, destroying an entire Fanfiction franchise with one paradox, and threatening the person who wrote your author summary…

P.M: *thinks* 'Damn, are they still not over what was in that summary?

Fanfiction Police: You have been found guilty by the people who run this place, and are here by sentenced to Fanfiction Jail, where you will hang out with OCs of a Fanfiction that was never finished, and your OC, along with his sister and his friend are pardoned and spared from this.

P.M: WHAT?! Oh no no no no! You know I'm good for it Flint! You know I'm good for it! I don't owe you any money, but come on, don't send me to jail bro! *is put in cop car, goes to jail*

Lidio: …So, while he's getting gang-raped by a bunch of incomplete OCs that were in an incomplete story that never sees the light of day again, we'll do everything in our power to rebuild the EarthBound franchise as it once was. *whispers to audience* I'm also going to smuggle a computer in there so he can continue with his stories, but don't tell anyone, ok?

Octavia: Now, on that note, while he's in prison, I think it would be real nice for him if he can have an opportunity to do something for the fans, so we would like to know what you would like the next _Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule _story to be like.

Lidia: Write it down in your reviews, and Porky Minch will see what he can do, but bare in mind that he might have an overload with some suggestions, so please don't give so many suggestions that he can't think straight.

Lidio: Also, he may not get all suggestions as a reality, so don't bitch at him if he can't make your suggestion a reality.

Q: What would you like to see me do for _Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 9? _(This is a bad idea, isn't it?)


End file.
